*

Blog March 28, 2008

So I just got back from Ceremony and its Saturday night. Honestly, I don’t know what the rules or protocol is on blogging or speaking publicly about ceremonies. So first of all, I am not the authority on my cultural practices. I’m not anyone special like a medicine person or anything along those lines. I’m just someone who gets the privilege to be a part of ceremonies because I was born Dakota/Lakota.
So if anyone with cultural authority wants to chew me out, I’m open to it. But I also have to speak my mind, somehow.
Originally it was planned that I would go on a date for a couple hours this afternoon, but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. Circumstances, that were out of our control, so to speak. “It just wasn’t meant to be,” is definelty a phrase you get used to around these parts, and mostly in my life.
But it worked out that I could help my Aunt make the frybread for ceremony and some other traditional food. She had already prepared the dough last night. So I got to fry it. At first it wasn’t uniform, by that I mean it wasn’t the same color on both sides. Toward the last 20 pieces they all looked professional. It’s too bad you can’t eat any food before the ceremony cause I was dying to eat just one frybread. My aunt’s recipe is so good. I told someone the other day, it’s so good, it inspired the scene from Smoke Signals. Hahaha
By the time the last pieces were done, I was drenched in Frybread perfume. Good thing, there wasn’t any guys around I would have attracted them like a moth to a flame. But at least I knew, everyone would want to hug me after that.
So now that everything is said and done, I’ve prayed, cried and ate with my family. A true blessing , as I look back on it.
Lately, I’ve had these thoughts lingering in my head about our spirituality.
What can I talk about?
More importantly, the real question I have is: Would Non-native people understand?
I offended Adam on the way to Canada when I said, you guys come from more of headspace and my people come from more of a heartspace.
In all fairness, I know how messed up that sounded to him, and never meant it to hurt him in anyway. I was just trying to put it as simple as I could. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to put it, but it’s all I could verbalize at that time.
I’m new at fully putting my energy into walking this Red Road “Canku Duta.” Which basically means I’ve made the commitment to my spirituality and all that encompasses. Not new to the practices, both my parents are pipecarriers and have been since before I was born and it goes back to their parents, etc. So I’m new to making this my life everyday.
I guess the biggest lesson, I’m learning is patience and JB re-iterated that to me, today. We took a ride to the store and we talked about it, meaning our ways, our spirituality. His words were you don’t learn everything at once, and you may not find out the meaning of your dreams for years, you just have to be patient. You’ll understand certain things when you are suppose to. And the past couple months, it has been that way. The things I worked on –my bag, my dresses, my shawls, all took time. I never completed one of those projects in a day. Those are all things we use in various ceremonies. For once, of all the past conversations, we’ve had over the years, I finally knew what he meant, when he said that.
We talked about other things, too. Why we’re here. I know exactly what he means. But then I worry, how come other people don’t know. And mine is more specific, why is the Dakota/Lakota/Nakota nation still here? Knowing what I know now, which is that our ways are so beautiful and healing, why do my people struggle so much now in 2009?
Our prayers are always for each other and everyone else. One basic asking is for the Buffalo. Because through him, we got everything we needed. Today, it’s not like that. We live in houses, shop at the mall and are pretty much like everyone else in America. We don’t ask for materialistic things. It’s not a part of our prayer. Materialistic things are not really a staple in our way of life anyway. We are always giving stuff away. One teaching is that you have to be the poorest person in the village to practice these ways. So we are always giving stuff away. That is pretty common among most tribes anyway. We all know giving beautiful gifts away is an awesome feeling.
Back to the subject, why we’re here. In a nutshell, I was taught to believe we are spiritual beings on a human journey. Written along the same lines was an email forwarded to me the other day. It was written by a Pastor. He said we are only here a short time on earth to practice how we will be in the eternity with God. In life, all of triumphs and tragedies are not one or the other. Good things will always be in your life as well as the Bad. The true way to Master it, is to see both and be ok. Being centered, I thought, that’s one of our teachings. Now I see why my Aunt forwarded it to me.
It’s so much more than that. Then again, it’s not really more than that. Most of what I’ve learned is really about energy. In those terms, I totally get. It makes so much more sense than when I hear the word spirituality. In energy there is no good or bad, it’s with negative energy or positive. Both are always present and you must walk in balance. I know this is where my ancestors have really mastered this way of life. They knew energy like no one’s business.
Thinking back on the horse-ride, we rode 330 miles. Across two states, in the middle of winter. We basically moved energy 330 miles. It was good energy, it was healing, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. At the same time, yeah, it was balanced, we definetly met that healing energy with some rough spots. For all the healing tears, there were some intensely frustrating moments. In the end it was worth it. We could NOT have done it without all the Spiritual advisors (AKA Medicine) people that lead the horse-ride. It was their knowledge and their experience, it was their prayers, their presence and love that got us through that horse-ride.
I know why my family is here and other tribal families. Our ancestors prayed for us. We were their prayer. My family being alive today is testament to their prayer.
It just makes me sad that nowadays non-native contemporary America isn’t taught that. They aren’t taught to consider the next seven generations. They aren’t taught to look past their kids and maybe their grandkids.
Maybe my question was too vague, would Non-native people understand?
Like I said, I don’t know what I’m allowed to talk about. But I know I have to be honest. In one ceremony, they said, “We won’t tell the wasicu, they aren’t ready yet.”
And yeah, Ok, their race tried to exterminate ours, and continues to do so, today. Mostly the government, but the American people are just as much to blame because they accept the information put in front of them. They don’t question it. And I am so tired of educating people, I mean c’mon have some respect for yourself and do some real research, it’s 2009, people!
It’s a little frustrating, because there isn’t anything that I am saying that hasn’t been said by my parents’ generations.
Lately, I’ve noticed the masses are genuinely interested in spirituality. Somehow it got out there, that we (Native Americans) have the key, we are the masters of it. That’s kind of funny to me. It’s still the idealistic, mystical Native American image. That puts us on platform, a stage and is idolizing. All of which I am against. There’s nothing human about being an idol. It gives us no room, to be human and make human mistakes or even live as human beings who deserve their rights respected like everyone else.
I will say this, there is a genuine distrust toward Non-natives. Some of the elders say it’s because Non-natives weren’t raised like us. They say, they will walk this way for awhile, but in the end they will always turn their backs on us. I can see both points. I’m 25 and I’ve seen this happen a few times. People come in and get what they want and leave. By what “they want,” I mean, healing, - whether it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritually, whatever. And really that’s fine. I hope all people get healing, but I should elaborate more on where a lot of people get upset. My relative helps out this Non-native person, who comes to sweat all the time. He’s really a good guy, brings wood and helps out just as much as anyone else. It is clear he loves this way of life. When this non-native is out in public with my relative, he totally denies having any spiritual connection or help to my relative in front of his peers. When it came down to it, for this man to go ahead and say, yes, I pray with this guy. He denied it, for fear of rejection from his peers. This guy is 50 years old. I guess age doesn’t make a difference. Niether does having his cancer being removed either. My relative isn’t a medicine man never has been. He just helped this guy with his prayers to get better, like everyone else.
That made me feel sad to hear that. Does it answer my questions? Would non-native people understand this way of life? But more importantly, are non-native people ready for this way of life?
The world is in tough shape, that story didn’t answer my questions, it simply verified certain people’s distrust and fears of Non-Native people.
It’s hard for me when my relatives tell me disheartening stories about Non-native people who are disrespectful to our way of life. Then again, I can see why they are so protective of it.
Not only that, we (Native Americans), were not allowed to practice our own spirituality LEGALLY until 1978! Yes, it was illegal for Indians to pray in their own religion in AMERICA until 1978! The country that built it’s constitution on Freedom of Religion, denied it’s original people their religion until 1978. For a lot of elders, that was like yesterday. My oldest brother was 3 when the president passed that. So I can see why it’s hard for elders to trust non-native people.
It’s so sad. After making my own commitment, I understand that it has to be protected. They kept it safe all these years. Through everything; genocide, verbal, emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual abuse against my people. Through all that, they kept our spirituality, our ways alive.
After all that, I’m still torn. This way of life is awesome, I can’t say enough good things about it. This spirituality is of the highest frequencies. But what do I do? So many people want know about it. I mean look at Eckhart Tolle’s books all spiritual. I’ve read them, good stuff, pretty much in alignment with our teachings, but more of headspace thing. Ours is from the heart, always, always being honest about how you feel, everyday all day. Yes, that means telling people you love them even when you’re scared too. With us, it’s not what you think,… it’s how you feel. Get it? Headspace, thinking -Heartspace, feeling. Gotta get your mind out of the way, let your heart and your spirit lead. The rest of your life will be spent trying to get your mind to follow.
In conclusion, I will end saying another famous quote “Everything happens for a reason.” What started out as wondering if I should even mention anything about our ceremonies, turned into a question of would people understand our spirituality? And now after realizing my internal conflict, can finally share what I was trying to get out all along, a simple point : Headspace/heartspace. “Get you’re mind out of the way, let your heart and your spirit lead. The rest of your life will be spent trying to get your mind to follow.” Universal advice, but now comes the real challenge for actually living from your heart. Helping everytime someone asks, giving away your last dollar to help someone else. Putting everyone else’s needs before your own is truly being Lakota/Dakota –Heartspace<3. There’s nothing mystical about that.